Walk Away
by rem21
Summary: SONGFIC: Goku has finally left for good. All seem to grieve except his son, Gohan. RATING FOR SLIGHT SWEARING


All right, here's another songfic for y'all. WARNINIG: This one is sad.  
  
DISCLAIMER: DBZ and "Father of Mine" do not belong to me, obviously.  
  
********************************** WALK AWAY ******************************  
  
Father of mine  
  
Tell me where have you been  
  
You know I just closed my eyes  
  
My whole world disappeared  
  
Father of mine  
  
Take me back to the day  
  
When I was still your golden boy  
  
Back before you went away  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
"May he rest in peace forever. Amen," said Father Dennis.  
  
"Amen," the crowd murmured. Slowly the coffin was lowered and handfuls of gravel thrown on it by the gatherers. The small crowd dispersed soon afterwards, but a few remained to give their condolences to the widow.  
  
"Oh, ChiChi! I'm so sorry!" Bulma cried into her friends shoulder. "I know we will all miss him terribly."  
  
"As I do and as do Goten and Gohan," answered ChiChi as she hugged Bulma, Trunks, and even Vegeta briefly.  
  
Goten nodded his agreement, but Gohan said nothing. He only stared at the new headstone and grave.  
  
"But to die of old age is a good way to die," murmured ChiChi.  
  
Bulma nodded. "I still can't believe it, I thought Sayians lived forever."  
  
Vegeta spoke up. "He was a weakling." But the insult did not have its usual scorn.  
  
"Come on guys," said Yamcha, "we should go in. We've got people to thank for coming."  
  
"You're right," a suddenly tired ChiChi said. She moved slowly back to the church. Yamcha moved so he was next to her matching her step for step. He put a comforting arm over her shoulders.  
  
"Let's go. You coming Gohan?" asked Bulma.  
  
"Yeah, I'll be in a minute," Gohan replied.  
  
"Okay," she said.  
  
Gohan was left alone. "Well," he said speaking to the headstone. "You left us for good. But you know what? I don't miss you, not one bit. I've spent half my life missing you and I sure as hell ain't going to spend the other half missing you, too."  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
I remember blue skies  
  
Walking the block  
  
I loved it when you held me high  
  
I loved to here you talk  
  
You would take me to the movies  
  
You would take me to the beach  
  
You would take me to a place inside  
  
That is so hard to reach  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
"Daddy! Daddy!" cried out a five-year old Gohan. He ran with open arms to his father.  
  
"Gohan!" Goku called out happily. He swung Gohan into his arms and spun his son round and round. "What are you doing here?"  
  
"I wanted to go fishing, too!"  
  
"Does your mother know about this?" Goku asked, knowing all too well the panic ChiChi would have if her son were missing.  
  
"Uh, huh. Mommy gave me my lunch, too!"  
  
"All right then. Let's go! Just the two of us!"  
  
"And after that we can train?" Gohan asked with hope shinning in his eyes.  
  
"And we can train," confirmed Goku.  
  
Gohan cheered. He and his father were going to have the best time ever!  
  
********  
  
Gohan glared at the headstone. "You had my world in your hands and then you crushed it. You go off and die and I have to tell Mother! I had to be the man of the house at six!"  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Father of mine  
  
Tell me where did you go  
  
You had the world inside your hand  
  
But you did not seem to know  
  
Father of mine  
  
Tell me what do you see  
  
When you look back at your wasted life  
  
And you don't see me  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
"Mom?" Gohan slowly crept into his house. "Mom? Where are you?"  
  
"I'm right here, honey." ChiChi walked into the room and gave Gohan a huge hug. "I've been worried sick about you and your father! Fighting some strange alien supposedly your uncle! Speaking of which, where is Goku?"  
  
Gohan looked at the floor. "Mom, he died. Uncle Radditz killed him, kind of. And he's never coming back!" Gohan began to cry into his mother's apron. "He'd dead! Mom, he's dead!"  
  
"Oh," was all ChiChi could say. Then she too began to cry.  
  
**********  
  
Gohan smiled cruelly. "But we had such hope when we discovered the dragon balls. And you were alive again and in my world for a few days before you left again. All to fight some stupid white lizard. Afterwards you couldn't even come home. You had to go off and get lost in space and train with stupid aliens! Damn you! You were always training!"  
  
He looked at the clouds covering the sky. "Then there was Cell. You had to go and get yourself killed again! I can see you dying once, but to get killed a second time and then decide to stay dead is selfish. Do you have any idea of the hell I went through? No, of course not! You were never around!  
  
"Then you decided to stay dead just so you could fight other dead warriors. Did you ever think how that would affect us? Mom was pregnant, we had no income, and life couldn't get any worse!"  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
I was ten years old  
  
Doing all that I could  
  
It wasn't easy for me  
  
To be a scared white boy  
  
In a black neighborhood  
  
Sometimes you would send me a  
  
Birthday card  
  
With a five dollar bill  
  
I never understood you then  
  
And I guess I never will  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
"Gohan! Home! Gohan home!" cooed baby Goten. His big brother was home!  
  
"Gohan! What are you doing home so early?" ChiChi came into the room. She frowned as Gohan whipped at his eyes.  
  
"Gohan what is it?"  
  
"I got sent home, that's all," Gohan answered gruffly.  
  
"That's all? That's all? Do you have any idea on how important getting a good education is?" screamed ChiChi.  
  
"Mommy mad," stated Goten.  
  
"Yeah, I do know! I'm not stupid!" Gohan yelled back.  
  
"Then why are you at home?"  
  
"I hit a student."  
  
"Why on Earth would you do such a stupid thing?"  
  
"Because some kid called me a 'bastard of a whore!"  
  
The room became silent.  
  
"Do you know what it means?" ChiChi asked carefully.  
  
"Yeah, I'm not that naive. It means I was born out of wedlock.  
  
"Well you and Goten were not."  
  
"Strange theory Mom. He's also never around so I might as well be a bastard."  
  
"Gohan! Watch your language!"  
  
"You're right. He's the one who should be called a bastard! Do you hear that Goten? Daddy's a bastard!"  
  
Slap! ChiChi struck her son. "Don't you ever say that again! Do you hear me? It's not your father's fault. He must protect the planet."  
  
"And that's more important then his family. Right?" Gohan watched his mother, anger livid on his face and on the handprint on his cheek.  
  
"Right, thanks for the lesson on values," he supplied answering his own question. He stormed upstairs.  
  
"Daddy bastard," was what Gohan heard before slamming the door to his room closed.  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Daddy gave me a name  
  
My dad he gave me a name  
  
Then he walked away  
  
Daddy gave me a name  
  
Then he walked away  
  
My daddy gave me a name  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
"You know Vegeta was a warrior, too, right?" Gohan said speaking to the tombstone. "Always training, always fighting, always eating, but he never left! He was always there for all the little things and the big in his offspring's lives. Even after his death he was able to come back after twenty-four hours. He never left!"  
  
Gohan frowned. "He even watched over my family. He took your place." He kicked a small hole into the ground. Gohan cursed softly as his new shoes became scuffed.  
  
"So you have no excuse for what you did. None! Maybe that's what separates the third class from the elite."  
  
Now Gohan spoke more to himself. "Why me? Why didn't Trunks and Bra have to grown without a father? What made them so damn lucky? Answer me, damnit!"  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Daddy gave me a name  
  
Daddy gave me a name  
  
Then he walked away  
  
Daddy gave me a name  
  
Then he walked away  
  
My daddy gave me a name  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
"But then you came back, you bastard! Why? Why come back? To make us hope that you would stay for good? No of course not, there was another battle to fight. Another chance for you to place hero and you couldn't let the chance go, could you?"  
  
Gohan kicked at the bouquet of flowers by his feet.  
  
"Goten was so happy to finally met you, his father. Mother, Bulma, even Vegeta was happy to bask in your glow!  
  
"And then afterwards all you did was train. You never tried to get involved with my life. Never a 'how was your day?' or a 'what did you do, today?' No! It was you gone every day sparring with some random friend.  
  
"Do you have any honor, any? We were your fucking family and if you showed up for a day Goten and Mother rejoiced. But I didn't. I readied myself for the sad disappointment when you left again! Did you even notice my coldness to you?"  
  
Gohan cursed to the emptiness. The gray clouds broke and a soft rain pattered the headstone and Gohan's head.  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Father of mine  
  
Tell me where have you been  
  
I just closed my eyes  
  
And the world disappeared  
  
Father of mine  
  
Tell me how do you sleep  
  
With the children you abandoned  
  
And the wife I saw you beat  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
"Dad! Hey, Dad where are you going?" Gohan ran to catch up with his father's retreating back.  
  
Goku stopped and waited for Gohan to catch up.  
  
"I'm going to find Uub. I want to know if he will let me train him," Goku said with a grin covering his face.  
  
"Oh, will you be back for dinner?" Gohan asked, but he already had the sinking feeling in his stomach.  
  
"I might be back in four to seven years," Goku said. "Oh, don't worry kid," he said trying to reassure the skeptical look on his son's face. "I'll come back to visit once a year or so."  
  
Goku began to walk off; he had caught sight of his new apprentice.  
  
"Tell your mom I said bye and not to worry," he called out not even bothering to turn around.  
  
"Sure," Gohan said to himself.  
  
***********  
  
"You always left me to be the once to tell them good-bye for you! Every time! Freezia Radditz, Cell, training Uub, all your stupid ass explorations in space! You never had to deal with Mother's pain. Never once! And for that you are a selfish bastard!"  
  
Gohan wished just for a second his father was back so he could punch him in the face.  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
I will never be safe  
  
I will never be sane  
  
I will always be weird inside  
  
I will always be lame  
  
Now I'm a grown man  
  
With a child of my own  
  
And I swear I'm not going to let her know  
  
All the pain I have known.  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
"Oh, God. She's so tiny," Gohan marveled over his baby girl.  
  
"Here, hold her." Videl held up Pan. "Go on, you won't break here."  
  
Gohan took the tiny bundle and cradled her carefully against his chest. "She's so light," he remarked.  
  
Videl murmured an agreement, but she was already falling asleep.  
  
Gohan spoke softly to his daughter. "I will never leave you. I will never leave for years just to fight for the hell of it. I will stay and watch you grown into a beautiful woman. I will watch you date boys, go to college, graduate, marry, have your own kids, everything."  
  
He paused. "You will never have to feel the way I feel about my own father. I love you too much to leave."  
  
And with that, Gohan gave up fighting forever.  
  
**********  
  
"You always wondered why I gave up fighting. You want to know why? Because you fought. I saw what if does to a person. The need to become the best. You gave up everything to continue fighting. You gave up me, Goten, Mother!"  
  
Gohan let the memories fill his mind. "When I held Pan for the first time I realized that I would never understand you. How could you abandon something so helpless? It was your job to protect the helpless! And we were helpless!"  
  
"Mother said you left because you had to protect the planet. Well, I stopped fighting so I never would have to leave."  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
Then he walked away  
  
Daddy gave me a name  
  
Then he walked away  
  
My dad gave me a name  
  
Then he walked away  
  
My daddy gave me a name  
  
Then he walked away  
  
Then he walked away  
  
Then he walked away  
  
**************************************************************************** **  
  
" 'Loving husband, father, and friend' my ass," Gohan said reading the headstone. "You weren't around to deserve those titles and you certainly never loved us!"  
  
"I'm leaving, Father. For the first time, I am walking away from you and I am never coming back. You will never abandon me again, I have abandoned you."  
  
Turning Gohan walked away.  
  
************************************THE END********************************  
  
Now that you are all sad, go read my other fics and don't forget to review! (  
  
Thanks! 


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